News | World News | Mother reveals how pre-menopausal 'libido surge' aged 49 led her to seek out sex with MARRIED men

Mother reveals how pre-menopausal 'libido surge' aged 49 led her to seek out sex with MARRIED men

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Mother reveals how a pre-menopausal 'libido surge' aged 49 led her to seek out sex with MARRIED men - and she needed a 'release' several times a DAY

  • American author Karin Jones experienced a 'libido surge' at the age of 49
  • The mother-of-one claimed it was so intense she wanted sex several times a day
  • Claimed the symptom was linked to her reaching the menopause
  • To satisfy her needs she found married men on a website designed for affairs

By Stephanie Linning For Mailonline

Published: 03:54 EDT, 13 June 2018 | Updated: 04:18 EDT, 13 June 2018

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A mother revealed how she had one-night stands with a string of married men after being hit by a pre-menopausal 'libido surge'.

American author Karin Jones revealed how she sought out unavailable men online after experiencing a boost in her sex drive at the age of 49.

The former medic, who lived near London at the time, claimed finding married men willing to stray was like 'walking into a sweet shop with a pocket full of cash'. 

She claimed the need for sex was so intense she 'became unhinged if I didn't get sexual release several times a day'. 

Libido surge: American author Karin Jones reveals how she sought out unavailable men online after experiencing a boost in her sex drive at the age of 49
Libido surge: American author Karin Jones reveals how she sought out unavailable men online after experiencing a boost in her sex drive at the age of 49

Libido surge: American author Karin Jones reveals how she sought out unavailable men online after experiencing a boost in her sex drive at the age of 49

Responsibilities: At the time the mother-of-one was dealing with the breakdown of her marriage and raising her son, then nine, pictured, so wanted sex - not a full-blown affair
Responsibilities: At the time the mother-of-one was dealing with the breakdown of her marriage and raising her son, then nine, pictured, so wanted sex - not a full-blown affair

Responsibilities: At the time the mother-of-one was dealing with the breakdown of her marriage and raising her son, then nine, pictured, so wanted sex - not a full-blown affair

Going online: Ms Jones sought out men on a site designed for married people seeking affairs
Going online: Ms Jones sought out men on a site designed for married people seeking affairs

Going online: Ms Jones sought out men on a site designed for married people seeking affairs

The mother-of-one explained this surge in libido is a lesser-discussed symptom of the perimenopause, or period leading up to the menopause. 

She continued: 'This kind of horniness happens to some of us midlife women, though it's not getting talked about much. We're not told by our doctors to expect aching bouts of desire to accompany our hot flashes in the run-up to menopause.

'Depending upon one's circumstances, this surge can be a blessing or a burden. If you have someone who is willing to have sex with you three times a day (or more) you might be fine. If not, you'll need to get creative.'

Down to biology: The mother-of-one explained this surge in libido is a lesser-discussed symptom of the perimenopause, or period leading up to the menopause
Down to biology: The mother-of-one explained this surge in libido is a lesser-discussed symptom of the perimenopause, or period leading up to the menopause

Down to biology: The mother-of-one explained this surge in libido is a lesser-discussed symptom of the perimenopause, or period leading up to the menopause

Is there a pre-menopausal libido surge? 

A growing body of medical opinion is calling it a 'late-life lust surge' — a sexual surge at the very moment when women are supposed to have lost all interest in sex.

This is thought to be influenced by testosterone, the male sex hormone that men have in abundance, but which also contributes to female libido. 

During the perimenopause, the slow countdown to infertility which can begin up to a decade before your periods cease, oestrogen levels fluctuate and fall.

But there’s a period in which testosterone remains relatively high. This is because, while testosterone peaks in your 20s, and then halves by the time you reach 40, the decline after that age is less dramatic.

At this point, when there are fewer hormone binding chemicals in the blood to dampen its effect, there’s effectively a testosterone spike.

At the time Ms Jones was in the process of separating from her husband of 23 years and said the stress of the relationship and the responsibility of looking after her son, then aged nine, meant she wanted sex, not a relationship. 

'The website that offered me the clearest route to my no-strings requirements was IllicitEncounters.com, a dating site for married people,' she continued. 

'Unlike other dating websites, I found a "cheaters" site to be populated by men who were more straightforward and unselfconscious about their intent. It was understood that this was about sex, not finding a relationship.

'It was about companionship for only a few hours. It was almost universally about experiencing a level of intimacy we weren't getting at home. But all the men I encountered there insisted they didn't want to disrupt their family lives.'

Ms Jones explained some of the men she met up with had 'permission' from their wives to look elsewhere, while others were having secret affairs.   

She said: 'Whether we can be honest with our spouses about sex is everyone's own decision.

Taking steps: The author, an editor of Erotic Review magazine, had a process of 'vetting' each potential match to ensure he was emotionally committed to his marriage
Taking steps: The author, an editor of Erotic Review magazine, had a process of 'vetting' each potential match to ensure he was emotionally committed to his marriage

Taking steps: The author, an editor of Erotic Review magazine, had a process of 'vetting' each potential match to ensure he was emotionally committed to his marriage

Being honest: Ms Jones, pictured during her former career as a doctor's assistant, was always upfront about what she was seeking from potential partners
Being honest: Ms Jones, pictured during her former career as a doctor's assistant, was always upfront about what she was seeking from potential partners

Being honest: Ms Jones, pictured during her former career as a doctor's assistant, was always upfront about what she was seeking from potential partners

'I learned that dating sites for married people were places to interact with potential partners without the harassment and judgement they received on other sites from those who view the issue of infidelity as black and white. I see the many shades of grey around the topic.'

The author, an editor of Erotic Review magazine, had a process of 'vetting' each potential match to ensure he was emotionally committed to his marriage and was not seeking a full-blown affair. 

She described how one of her 'most memorable encounters' was with a married man who travelled to London from the Middle East. 

One-night stands: Karin described how one of her 'most memorable encounters' was with a married man who travelled to London from the Middle East
One-night stands: Karin described how one of her 'most memorable encounters' was with a married man who travelled to London from the Middle East

One-night stands: Karin described how one of her 'most memorable encounters' was with a married man who travelled to London from the Middle East

Uninhibited: Karin said the sex wasn't fraught with the troubles and bickering of daily life
Uninhibited: Karin said the sex wasn't fraught with the troubles and bickering of daily life

Uninhibited: Karin said the sex wasn't fraught with the troubles and bickering of daily life

He said his 'lovely and beautiful' wife was not interested in the 'kink, group sex and bondage' that he wanted to explore further and so he was looking elsewhere.

She said: 'He flew to London for business and we met at a cafe. He was a beautiful, dark-skinned man who was as gentle-looking as his words. Desire wafted between us like the steam coming off our hot drinks. 

'Back in my flat, we propped the full-length mirror against the wall and watched ourselves having sex; his cocoa body against my ivory.'

Without the pressures of a committed relationship, Ms Jones was able to put herself 'squarely in the moment' when she was having sex.

Time for a change: Ms Jones, pictured as a teenager, said society should focus more on talking about the issues around adultery, rather than 'disparaging adulterers'
Time for a change: Ms Jones, pictured as a teenager, said society should focus more on talking about the issues around adultery, rather than 'disparaging adulterers'

Time for a change: Ms Jones, pictured as a teenager, said society should focus more on talking about the issues around adultery, rather than 'disparaging adulterers'

'Sex that was not fraught by an earlier argument, a difficult child or the shared burdens of the domestic upkeep. Just a few hours of unencumbered, uncomplicated bliss. It is no wonder married women are on these sites as well.'

Ms Jones explained it is easy for women to justify affairs, saying: 'We care for other people's needs too much, spend a large chunk of our lives with small humans hanging off our bodies, don't get enough help around the house.'

Ms Jones said society should focus more on talking about the issues around adultery, rather than 'disparaging adulterers'. 

Courage: Ms Jones, pictured at her college graduation, said she will be open about her want to have sex with other people when she is next in a relationship 
Courage: Ms Jones, pictured at her college graduation, said she will be open about her want to have sex with other people when she is next in a relationship 

Courage: Ms Jones, pictured at her college graduation, said she will be open about her want to have sex with other people when she is next in a relationship 

She added: 'My experience tells me the asymmetrical desire for sex is at the root of most cheating. My libido surge didn't result in any broken homes. 

'It gave me what I needed without being judged by my married partner and, in kind, I didn't judge him.

'But in the future, when I'm partnered again, I will bring up any desire I have to stray outside that partnership. It will take courage and patience to have a conversation about this. But surely that's easier, in the long run, than divorce and busting up the family.

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